Jilara (jilara) wrote,
Jilara
jilara

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Tired of loss

I've been drinking too much wine, and hence this post. I try to be strong, but I get very depressed, sometimes, when I think of all those close friends I have lost. And that includes a friend who broke off contact due to very superstitious sorts of views, saying "People around you die too much, and I don't want one of them to be me..." Though the last I heard of him (over 10 years ago), even though he was many years out of contact, he had a brain tumor...
I'd just like a break, with no one dead or in the process of dying. I'm reflecting on my best friend from college, who is the latest one. I know htat in a past era, this owuld have been a routine thing, by the time I've gotten to my age, but the 20th century made a pact with folks, and didn't keep it with me. The 21st century has broken it altogether.
So here's to all of you who didn't make it as far as you might have. But especially my mom, Dr. Rodin, Rev. Van Winkle, George, Martin, Stripes, Lia, Jana, and a bunch of others who weren't quite as close as all of those named people were. I miss all of you, but especially all you folks cited, whom I was honored to count among my close friends, all of whom affected my life in profound ways. I can only hope there is a place where we meet again I was honored to know you.
And for whatever deities might have influence, I'd like to keep a couple more friends for at least another three years, okay? And yes, I am thankful for those whom you have spared so far. But I'd just like to keep folks a while longer, okay?
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