Jilara (jilara) wrote,
Jilara
jilara

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He is the way he is because that's how he is

Dan doesn't know how I sometimes stumble over his postings in groups he doesn't know I frequent. It's always interesting to find that yet another of my friends seems to be living my life by proxy, and passing off parts of it as somehow their own influence at work. I get very tired of it, but my Landmarks coursework has helped me to see that this is just how some people "live" their lives. I found that this time, instead of being annoyed, I was actually more amused and ...saddened? that he felt the need to skew things to ... I don't know, make him feel like he's accomplishing more? Still, at least he's happy for me. Here's a particularily interesting quote:

"In talking about historical homes nad re inactment group stuff with a
friend of mine here I got her to actually consider the possibility
of doing a gig in San Diego, at the Whailey House. as luck would
have it a spot openned for her to do a historical character re-
enactment. Teaching about the history thru the food in the area at
that time. I thought that was a great thing to have open for her. It
still doesn't get me what I want or where I feel I need to be to
better do what I feel that I want in my life - but, it gave an
opportunity to do more on things that she had been wanting to take
care of - me? I get to baysit her house while she is away. *shrug- a
fair trade.you could call it work in a way. "

Actually, when the Whaley House contacted me, it was about like when Russ called me about the Dana Adobe -- I immediately went "Oh yeah!" and then started trying to figure ways to make it work, despite the distance. I knew both places by reputation beforehand, and the opportunity to work with them excites me. (I'm still struggling with getting things truly working at the Dana, 5 years later, but that's a different story.) With the Whaley House, it was exciting to know my reputation from the Dana Adobe had now parlayed itself into San Diego county, my grandmother's home territory. Distance? What's that to a woman who was driving to Sacramento every Tuesday evening for a year, to work on the Sutter's Fort bakery rehab? (I got my 500 hour docent pin out of that.)

Maybe this is a way of empowering others, as Landmarks talks about. Okay, it might be more of a fantasy empowerment ("What is visualization if there is no action to back it up?" as a Native American elder once up it), but it could help him along the way to doing something with his life. Which will ultimately get him out of having to depend on me for housing. Not that I don't enjoy talking to him, but I really would like to come home and not have someone sitting watching the TV in the background all the time. Or talking about plots of TV shows like it's something that actually matters. Including stupid "Enterprise" episodes, that even he admits annoy him as much as anything.

But that's how Dan is. I've realized that's also why he may be a great friend, but he's completely unsuited to me as a relationship partner. We live in different worlds. But I doubt I'm going to find someone who actually shares my own world and worldview, in this lifetime. Shrug. I already put more into my friendships than most people put into their relationships, so it's no biggie. Especially since I've tended to see relationships more from the liability standpoint than the benefit standpoint.

Interestingly, I think that my friendship with Dan is as strong as my friendship with Jana was. Even if you live in different worlds, someone you can talk with for hours is a joy forever. And Landmarks has really been helping with that "dismantling upsets" part of the human condition. People are just Like That. No right or wrong, nothing that affects you, just how they are.
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