Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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Burning out...

I feel horribly selfish, but I'm realizing my compassion circuits are starting to smolder like burning insulation. Too many folks who are having too many crises simultaneously. My emotional reserves are hitting low ebb, and all these phone calls leave me little time for my own life and projects. I am trying to steer folks in different directions, but they aren't having any of it. I told Debbie she ought to find a breast cancer support group, but she said that it wasn't the same as talking to ME. It's bad when I end up discussing this with another friend who's been diagnosed as terminal, whom I needed to call for some other issues.

And then there are the people with aging parent issues. This includes a friend who has no job, no money, and never got along with her mother, who is being hasselled and guilted by a friend of her mother's about how she needs to do her duty and bring her mother out to be "close to her family" so she can take care of her, because her mom is having a rapid decline in health. Never mind that she's the only one in her family who even cares, and has been out to Ohio to see to her mom already once this year. She's calling and primal screaming, and going "What do I do!" At the same time she's going through a lot of issues with being disabled with a condition where her hands are in pain a lot, and sometimes don't work at all, and a lot of doctors can't pin a diagnosis on. And has the problem of having gone back to school, so now she's in her 50's, overqualified with no experience. Things are getting grim, and she wants advice, but I have no advice to give her.

I have a lot of friends going through various life-crises at the moment, including several with aging parent issues, and I'm just starting to hit a point where even knowing it's not me is still having a hard upward struggle against being depressed over it all. I'm reading lots of Victorian stories where life's a bitch and then you die young after noble self-sacrifice, because they cheer me up a lot. That's probably a bad indicator, but at least I've got something that is a pressure release.

And then there is Rosemary, who calls up and harrangues and wants me to fix every problem she's having with a club we both belong to. I keep telling her that she can just drop out, and she says that's not a solution, but since no one will take her seriously, I need to be her voice. I don't think so.

Maybe my present to myself for Thanksgiving will be not to answer the phone next week... But then I'll feel guilty about it, I'm sure... People need me too much, and I've been Auntie Jilara waaaay too long.

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