Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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Why do I do this?

Two days with S. and I feel like Wesley in Princess Bride after the machine has been sucking the life out of him. But I keep trying to provide guidance. Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

I'm also now running into the same crap I used to with my father. First they ask your advice, then they get pissed at your advice because they don't like it. Then you realize that it's just an attempt to have you buy into whatever they want you to agree with. So you refuse to play and say essentially "Fine, it's your life, so ultimately, it's your decision. I'm not in a position to offer you any opinions." Then they get pissed at you because you're refusing to play the game. I prefer refusing the play the game, thanks.

I still want to know why so many childish people are into this crap about how they're old souls/enlightened beings, so they should have gotten a better deal from whatever Powers they believe in. Get over it. Get on with it. Get a grip. Act like an adult, and stop believing it's all because of karma, the Ashkanic Council, past lives, or demons following you around. Maybe it's YOU. Maybe you need to grow up. Maybe you need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN LIFE, and stop spreading around blame and excuses and doing the "validate me/save me" game. Chop wood and carry water.

I hate watching friends self destruct. But I hate it more when they blame everything and everyone except the real cause: themselves. Because they refuse to look at their own lives realistically, and break out of old habits and patterns. And every opportunity comes with a denial, a "yes, but..." factor. Yes, some people just get bad breaks. But some people are like the old story about the woman who refuses to get in the rescue boat because she's waiting for God to save her from the flood.

Yes, I had a lousy weekend, which extended into Monday. And no, I don't deserve any sympathy, because (by that same token), it's my own damned fault for continuing to beat my head against a rock that's not going to move. I keep hoping that, essentially, God will speak up and say "Get into the rescue boat, dammit!" But it ain't gonna happen.

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