Jilara (jilara) wrote,
Jilara
jilara

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Youth and Old Age

Maybe I shouldn't have used my grandmother's picture for my page, here. I really do start to think of it as ME. The person displaced in time.

I've been thinking of how irrelevant age is, lately, a sense that has grown stronger as time passes. Maybe that's because my current gentleman, who is very much a soulmate, is 22 years older than I am---yet is another person like those in my family, where we're so used to running rings around each other with frenetic energy and interests, that we wear out everyone around us.

On the other hand, the other guy in my life, only a couple years older, makes me feel so OLD when I'm around him. This has been a problem from the beginning. He's sweet, but it's like my mortality breathes down my neck when I'm around him. It's hard to explain, but I'm kind of his vicarious way of going adventuring. If I weren't poly, I probably would have cancelled this relationship years ago, but being poly makes the stresses less intense, more tolerable. I can deal with being around someone with old, set-in-their-ways attitudes much better if I'm also interacting with someone who's not like that. Yes, we share a liking for anime, he's fannish, and we met in the SCA almost 25 years ago, but he's always been a bit of a fuddy-duddy. But he's got great qualities as a friend and is reliable as the day is long. If I were conventional and middle-American, I'd think this guy was the perfect catch...but I'm not. I sometimes feel like I've kept him from a life in suburbia with someone more suited to his temperament, but it's not like I've led him on. I've suggested repeatedly he find someone more in lines with his viewpoint on the universe, but it's his choice to stay.

On the other hand, my other guy is an ex State Assemblyman of many terms, Civil War reenactor, Sherlock Holmes buff, martial artist, collector of antique weapons, history buff, science fiction fan, and he's kinkier than I am. ;-) And his mother was one of the animators for Bugs Bunny, in the Golden Age of Looney Tunes. So what if he also tells about how doing Howitzer training kept him from being sent to the Korean War...
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