Jilara (jilara) wrote,
Jilara
jilara

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Delayed bad reaction to Mothers Day

I thought I stayed upbeat through Mothers' Day, which is sometimes not a good time. It's when I am suddenly struck by the unfairness of the universe, which took Mother away before I could spoil her and do all the nice things I'd planned for her, in my adulthood. Well, technically, it was Mother herself and a lot of physical disabilities, pain, and depression, helped by a large-caliber weapon, that took her away. But still, I had wanted to do so much for her, knowing all the bad breaks she'd had through her life. But even as a kid, I guess I recognised she wouldn't be there to see me turn 21, by one circumstance or another.

I did okay until this morning, and then it all came up and smacked me again. I miss her so much. Ironic, since she's been gone for more of my life than she was there for. My beautiful, talented, athletic, idealistic, altruistic mother, who never thought of herself in those terms.

I'll snap out of it. It's just that folks don't always realize that Mothers' Day can have a negative impact by hitting hard on one's losses.
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