Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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I surivived the memorial, and am happy it turned out well. It seemed to have a great deal of emotional impact for folks, and I think helped a lot of unresolved issues. And also, a lot of folks came out of the woodwork of eons ago, to remember Jana. It was a strange feeling of old community... I hadn't seen many of them, myself, in 20 years or so. I was also amazed at how many folks Jana had reconnected with in the past few years. But then, these things are important as we get older.

I'm wondering if it falls to me to try to put out some seeds to sew a healing in Jana's family. There is so much old bad blood there, so many people hanging onto their old issues and old hurts. But this shook their core, her death. Perhaps, into that, I can pass something to get them to get away from all this treasured pain and feelings of aggrieved righteousness. They've held so many feuds for so many years, and I've really started to see them in the past few weeks, and realized that it's like looking at Rashomon or something, where everyone and no one is precisely the true view, but everything is shadings of truth and untruth. I gave them a few things to think about, but I don't know if the ground is too sewn with salt for any new thoughts to grow...

Still, I ended with a discussion of positive ways in which one could remember her, and gave everyone a sprig of "Rosemary for Remembrance" to take along. I can hope...

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