Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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The Sound of Subliminal Screaming...

I think I'm going on vacation (for 10 days!) right in the nick of time. I'm having nightmares about work (tutorials on 64-bit switches were running through my head last night), everything is a crisis, and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to deliver everything that has to be done by December (I've got another brand-new manual that just landed on me, in addition to the huge covers-everything User's Guide). There is a sense that I'm going to start screaming and never stop, lurking at the back of my brain. I'm working as hard and as fast as I can (okay, lie---I'm taking a bit of my lunch hour to post to Live Journal---but some days I don't take lunch, but work right through) and still falling behind. The great irony is that I'm taking slightly over a week off, which will only put me further behind, but do wonders for my sanity. It wouldn't save my job, anyway. I've worked in this industry too long to not be realistic: everything from reviews to whether you're employed has nothing to do with performance, provided you're working as hard as you can. (If you're not, you're already gone. There is no room for the weak and mediocre in today's high tech.) Performing miracles is no guarantee you won't get an excoriating review, simply because when you parted the Red Sea, you forgot to dry out the mud. Layoffs? The best and bravest go with the rest.

I keep asking why I'm still in this business... Other than being addicted to eating and paying my mortgage, (always a big consideration).

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