May 27th, 2003

Dancing Thru

Hard decisions

I knew it was right, but I've been in denial so long... I did a lot of hard thinking that's really been in the back of my mind for a long time. I talked to my unit commander's wife, who has her own heart-related health issues, and have decided I'm going to gradually ease off bringing a cannon to events, over the next couple years. I talked to a few other people, too. Artillery is all old fogies, folks old enough to afford the expense of cannon. Particularily people who have been gun owners were very supportive of my decision, and said it's quite an accomplishment that I've done it for over 10 years. So what am I doing next event? No cannon, as I'm standing it down for now, but I am going to be cooking Saturday dinner, something I really enjoy but can't do when I'm commanding a cannon, as I have to skip the second battle on Saturday to do it. So I'm going to do my Southern BBQ pork ribs! Not a bad trade-off! And folks have said that if I want to move away from being a gun sergeant to being the commissary officer, they'd love it! Still, it was a harder choice than I wanted, though it felt right when I finally reached it.

I'm just hoping now to make it through Gettysburg. I have no idea what to expect on heat/humidity, and my body doesn't take heat well, any more. And I plan to camp on site. Normally, I wouldn't be so worried, but I've been noticing my body's reactions to heat a lot lately, and it does alarm me a little. I know I had better do Gettysburg now, while I still can, though, or I might never be able to in the future.

I used to joke about keeping up a schedule of activities that would kill lesser mortals. Now, I've come to realize I've become one of those lesser mortals, and I don't want it to kill me while there are still lots of things I want to do.

And feeling crappy lately, what with all the work stress, on top of two dear friends dying, has been bringing it all home. I know the "triad" tradition, and I've been realizing I would be the ideal candidate for making up the third in the triad. Funny about that.
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Dancing Thru

So much for that...

Hmm, after much debate, I figured I should call my doctor's office and see if they can test to see if my general condition is really because of overwork stress, or there is something more I should be worrying about. They pretty much told me to go away and not bother them, as they were overbooked forever, and if I felt really bad, to go see Acute Care.

Isn't it nice to know how the medical profession will be there for you? Changing doctors doesn't seem to be an option as I hear these stories from just about everyone I know. I'm starting to realize how much of a crisis in medical care there really is, with doctors leaving in droves, health plans managed for profit and not patient benefit, etc. The message seems to be it would be nice if we all just died and decreased the surplus population. (I miss my terrific former doctor, who retired at a venerable age.) No wonder folks turn to homeopathy.

Fine. We Beckmans are tough. I just need to learn to take better care of myself, so I won't need any damned doctors. My father bounced back from two heart attacks and was running rings around everyone when he was in his 80s. If I just learn to back it down a notch (he had the same problem), I can do the same.