February 7th, 2006


What do you want?

Another in my ongoing theme of introspection.

I have spent my life training myself not to want anything. Desire is the basis of discontent. But every time something is taken from me, or goes very bad, or it becomes apparent that I will not get it, I train myself not to want it. I don't know how much success I've had. But I'm willing to face the trade-offs I have to make.

So, far, the list includes, but is not limited to:
family (mine is too messy, and I doubt I'll remarry at this point, and get any this way)
friends I have too much in common with, because they die
reasonably together lovers (I'd rather have none at all if I have to make that trade-off)

What do I want?

I still haven't managed to winnow out the desire for a peaceful existance, though it's in that category of things I'm probably going to get when Hades sprouts snowdrifts. I like interesting things, and we all know about the curse of "interesting."
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    contemplative introspective