Jilara (jilara) wrote,
Jilara
jilara
  • Mood: introspective

Some days, you just end up caring...

I've been sort of trying to emotionally protect myself from the hooks of interpersonal relationships and their issues for a while. You know, the standard sorts of things, maintaining a realistic outlook on people's flaws, where you don't let people get too close, keep your more sensitive thoughts to yourself, don't take anything too seriously, be careful about showing vulnerabilities, trust no one, and generally try to keep a safe distance. Because that way you can avoid getting too close, get sucked into other people's issues, have them project stuff onto you, and ending up having to deal with a bunch of stress and worry, right? And won't cry when something happens to them.

Doesn't work, I've been realizing. Sooner or later, even when you try to keep a distance, somehow you end up caring about people. I try to rationalize that I can deal with people dying on me, having awful things happen to them, doing irresponsible things that make me want to hit my head against a wall, sucking me into their own personal stresses and pains, walking out of my life, etc...I am a rock, and a rock feels no pain, yadda yadda yadda... Dammit, I'm just a sucker. I care. No matter how hard I try to stay detached, I end up caring about people, worrying about people. Just one of my core personality traits. I even still care about my damned job, even though I have tried to adopt a devil-may-care "just give me the paycheck" attitude. I guess it's just part of my core personality, sigh...
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