Jilara (jilara) wrote,

  • Mood:

Feeling old and boring...

I've got to stop going out onto the net and seeing the sea of desperation there. Because it scares me that people are so craving someone to fill some void in their lives, because they really believe that will make them happy. What I see is lack of adventure, lack of activity. Because it really makes me want to get out and DO more, see more, be more, and I just don't have time for all of it!

I've done more with my life than about 25 people combined, and yet the voice always comes up "Yes, but what have you done LATELY?" Well, Civil War, and Mountain Man stuff, and early California, and ziplining in Hawaii (well, going to Hawaii, too), and travel, and cooking, but what about all the other stuff? There are Faires to go to, writing to be pursued, and swords practice with, and things to shoot at, and martial arts to be pursued, and caves to explore, and trails to hike, and bicycles to ride and canoes to paddle, and concerts to attend, and...

Even though I kind of broke down a couple times from trying to do it all, my major regret of my youth is that I didn't misspend enough of it. I don't know where I would have fit it all in, but there is just a litany of more things I should have done when I was essentially immortal and a bottomless well of energy. I'm starting to slow down, a bit, realize my limitations, and I don't like it. I'm wondering if I'm starting to hit a midlife crisis.

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