Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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Beginnings and Endings

Doors open, doors close. I have been very aware of the doors, these past few weeks. The open door is my marriage to Andrew. The closings...well, there are a number.

First, I break with my past and my childhood, and dreams that probably never really had a reality. I thought someday I would retire to Cambria, to my childhood home. Today, I had a serious offer, and am going to be accepting it. A few more things to clean out, and then it goes. The Cambria I wanted to live in is something that existed a long time ago, not any more, maybe never. There is all that fond nostalgia of the past, after all.

The break that I didn't prepare myself for was leaving San Jose. I have realized that I have no choice. The job market is so grim that there is nothing left here. It's time to "retire to the country" and work on some new angles, ones that I should have explored long ago, but...well, the money in tech was soooo seductive. And my friends are here...or are they? A lot of others are moving on, elsewhere. I need to, as well. Not Cambria, not the Bay Area. My destiny no longer lies here.

I felt it at Halloween, a certain poignance, that this is the last year I will be "the Halloween Lady" of the neighborhood, with folks inquiring about my chickens, or the apples, or how they've come to my house for years... But it's time. For the moment, it looks like San Benito County. I have friends there. I have possible prospects there. It's not so terribly far. But I can't stay. My mortgage is killing me, and the opportunity to leave is now. It's going to move quickly. I'm mentally saying my goodbyes already.

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