Jilara (jilara) wrote,
Jilara
jilara

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Determined Mellowness

I feel much better at work, currently. Because I am trying to focus on forgetting work when I walk out the door. (I know, "Don't think about pink elephants...") I'm working on my "I don't care, I just work here" attitude, while I'm here. Which isn't easy, since I'm the de facto manager. Our theoretic boss doesn't care what we do, so long as no one bothers him and the documentation gets done. Which, of course is impossible with current staffing and workload. In some ways, knowing I'm in an impossible situation makes it easier to detach, realize that this is a crazy-making situation that makes as much sense as The Prisoner, and just shrug. It's when you have the illusion that you can do something, that it's harder. It's a weird sort of focus, where you know the electric shocks will continue no matter what you do, so you might as well just keep doing what you're doing. I even told Sylvia (who was having another borderline fit of hysteria, the other day) that you can't live your life like you expected to be laid off at any moment, and just try to ride with things. Of course, a bit of downtime to reconnect with the other brain cells, not just the ones related tech, helps to regain perspective, again.

So I went off at lunch with the QA guys and played a good game of Settlers of Kataan. Strategy games, especially fun strategy games, are good for change of focus. Even if I was seeing the moves I should have made after I should have made them. ;-)

And it's Friday afternoon! I get to go home, soon, and have two days away to spend with friends, cook, etc.
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