Jilara (jilara) wrote,

Okay, who's been writing this stuff?

I was sorting through my laptop recently, looking for a story I am getting urges to complete. I found a whole slew of stories and articles I either don't remember writing or don't remember finishing. I also found a couple pieces of a couple novels that I don't recall writing. One of the stories, a short-short titled "Passing Through," that takes place at a Civil War reenactment, was surprisingly good.

But it's unsettling. It's rather like how, when I'm really stressed out, my writing at work gets done without conciousness on my part. I've gone into my books and found a chapter that I intended to start was already half written. Which, considering that I'm very dissociative, isn't that surprising. Writing uses altered conciousness. And when I'm really into creating something, I just go away in my head and visualize it, sort of a controlled hallucination, like when you're really deeply involved in reading a story, and somehow a written version of it appears.

I wonder if what I do is related to hypergraphia, the compulsive urge to write.--write anything. If maybe it gets to a point where I can't not write, and I do it in my sleep. I've been known to both sleepwalk and carry on intelligent conversations in my sleep, so it's possible. And writing is my escape valve, how I process other stesses and strains in my life. So, some part takes hypnotic control, and the words appear.

But it's like I've always claimed: I don't really write my stuff; I channel someone who does.

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