Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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I was realizing lately how much I time obsess, even though I deliberately don't wear a watch, etc. I feel this ticking countdown eternally, and unlike the timer on the movie bomb, I don't know when I will hit the point of That's All, Folks. And that may be why I'm so driven.

There simply isn't enough time in a lifetime for everything I want to accomplish. I run into the same issues with smaller increments, a day, an hour, a weekend... Do I sleep or sew or read or paint or organize or write? Can I *afford* to sit down and do nothing but pet the cat? (This had a hazard on the weekend. I'd settled down to do some research, the cat got into my lap, I petted him, and suddenly I was waking up an hour later. I was too comfortable.) When I hear that America is sleep deprived, I wondered if it's because too many people are like I used to be, sculpting out time for other things by taking it out of sleep. However, as you get older, your body won't let you do that so easily, any more. One of my resolutions for this year is to try to get to bed by midnight. I don't always manage, but I try. It's like I've also resolved to *make REAL food* at least 4 times a week. No nuking frozen shu mai. No mini-pizza. No opening a can of chili. (The odd side effect of that is that this stuff no longer tastes very good to me, any more. It tastes like a bundle of cardboard and preservatives--I now would rather eat nuts or dried fruit.) But making real food takes time. Everything worth doing takes time. And I don't like trade-offs. I don't like having to prioritize. I have to do that with my friends and hobbies, too.

Take this weekend as another example of how my weekends often go. I had a another event scheduled against my going to the Woodland Games with my English Civil War group. I think there was another event that someone told me about, too, but I had to say no, I already have a couple events... Then my brother called and said that we have an opportunity to meet with some old family friends that I *really want to see* that I haven't been able to get together with for 15 years. So, I spent last night rearranging my weekend so that I am now farming it out by increments, where I get to also do something with a friend that I'd been promising (no time), since my Saturday was going to be affected, anyway. So I'm now actually doing four (maybe five) things, instead of one, by the time I rescheduled it all. I feel a little guilty that I can't make both days of the Woodland Games, but I have to set priorities, and this allows me to fit in as much as possible.

My evenings similarily multitask. If I can do two or three things simultanously, so much the better. If I can schedule by 1/2 hour increments, I can get more different activities into the time. But I still can't get ahead. I still can't find time to listen to my Japanese tapes. (Time to get a setup for the car, to fit in when I'm not listening to music. One of my recent vows is to try to listen to more music by playing it in the car.) I need to be able to create some time singularities. I really identify with Hermoine in Harry Potter, figuring a way to do more by resetting time a little. Makes me think of how I was juggling 7 classes (with only 5 periods in the day) in high school, by taking some as independant study...

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