Jilara (jilara) wrote,

Got to stop reading the news

Maybe it's worse when you get news from media which allows for more imagination (written or radio).

My nightmares lately have not been good. A couple weeks ago, I dreamed I was being held captive by a serial killer who was ritually cutting off body parts, which I was saving on the offchance I would survive and they could reattach them.

A couple nights ago, I was Ted Bundy's kid sister. I had figured out he was killing people, and was playing like everything was normal, because I didn't know if he'd kill me, too, if he knew that I knew.

Last night, however, was the most deeply disturbing. I am standing on a street in Willow Glen, and a bomb goes off. Very realistically. You feel it like a punch, that first sucks the air out of your lungs, then squeezes you in a huge fist, stinging every inch of your skin as if tiny particles of sand were embedding themselves into your dermis. Hard to describe the pain...close to being struck with a lash, if you could be struck on every part of your body at once. And I started running, not even looking back, just running down the street away, wondering if it was a suicide bomber or a car bomb, and if there were more of them. This last I found even more disturbing, on waking, because I normally don't behave like that. I normally stay and survey the scene, looking to help, assess hazards, etc. But this was pure survival stuff, at a basal level. In my dream, I am still running, two blocks away, when I see a cop car speeding down the street, going in the direction I came from. I reflect that it's his job, not mine. That's when I wonder if I have any injuries, which I hadn't thought about before. I notice small amounts of blood on my hands and arms, but figure it's not mine, or there would be more of it. I notice I can't feel any pain, only numbness and a stinging sensation all over, and adrenoline pumping through my body. I'm still running. That's when I woke up.

Another weird thing about how calmly logical I am in these, on a weird level. Save the body parts. Figure how to survive. See if it's your own blood. Horrible stuff, but in my dream state, I seem to be coping. Can I go back to nightmares of being chased by rotting zombies, or trying to outrun tsunamis, like when I was a kid? I don't like this most recent batch of dreams, at all.

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