Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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Getting through...

I'm realizing I've been going along by dissociation. I have been so out of touch with my body and the external environment, so focused, that I realized everything in my mind has been blunted. It was when I was past doing dinner for my Civil War unit, last night (more rave reviews of my cooking, grin), my dissociation finally broke and I HURT. I hurt all over, stress type hurt, particularly back and shoulders. I went home to my own bed last night, and was falling asleep and waking up two minutes later, hyper, because my mind didn't know what it should have been doing. (Of course, it could have been the allergy meds and aspirin, but it was still confused.) I finally went to sleep and woke up this morning at 10 am! I think I needed that. Work today, back to Civil War tomorrow. At least it's close to home, this time.

But I really was reminded why I do Civil War. I ran into more old, old friends and acquaintances, and went to a minstril show, and when they kept inviting us up to do performances, I even stood up and did a dramatic recetation of Shelley's "Ozmandius" (amazing the things my mind retains), and watched the kids stumble through performances, with all of us cheering them on. It's family. It's community. It's MY people. And that's why I'm there, more than anything. It's a part of me that I need.

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