Jilara (jilara) wrote,

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Life affirmation

In the old strip, Rick O'Shay, one of my favorite characters, Hipshot the gunslinger, used to go to the mountains to get his spiritual needs met. I did that on Sunday, going up to Castle Rock and hiking my feet off, enough to get some blisters. I needed some life affirmation.

I have too many friends nudging death's doorstep, or with serious health problems, right now. I hear that ticking behind me, louder than ever. One of my dearest friends, my friend Lia who was once nicknamed my "non-identical siamese twin," is in the hospital with a cancerous ovarian tumor, and is getting very nasty side effects. I can't even visit her, since she is now in the isolation ward. The chemo they put her on when they discovered it ( she went in before Christmas with pneumonia, and they kept finding odd things) has destroyed her white cell count, and she's open to catching just about anything. She was sounding tremendously weary when I talked to her, and didn't talk long. Sigh, I don't know how this one will turn out. On top of it, my friend Pete's wife is still getting chunks taken out of her because of tissue decay. They're now sculpting away at bodymass, and have put her onto a colostomy bag because of problems with where the tissue death is moving to...

So where does this put me? Frantically hiking, needing to see beautiful scenery, connect with friends, doing capoeira, etc. More frenetically than before, because it's another reminder that I have to outrun the shadow of death. Tonight is dinner with my adopted family, for Rich's 46th birthday. It's strange to realize I've known them for 25 years... Everyone tells me that I do more than any five people they know, but it never seems to be enough...I keep hearing that ticking. The louder it gets, the more I feel like I need to do. Got to figure out a way to manufacture some time. 24 hours in a day just isn't enough. I only hope that when that shadow finally catches up, it will find me dancing...

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